Woman?

I was a born a baby, grew up to be a young lady and someday in the future I will be a woman. Most of the time that also means a wife and mom.
Somewhere along the way in my upbringing, the idea of being a girl became uncomfortable to me. Probably because being a girl meant having less rights and opportunities, but more responsibilities and shortcomings. I am just finding out some things about myself that migh imply that I don’t like second position. Well, I am being modest. Anyways, It is still uncomfortable to me to adjust to the idea of being a ‘Godly woman’. Pfft! A godly woman is expected to be modest, dress modestly, have a quiet heart, let men lead, bla bla bla. I remember watching video’s on YouTube about what a modest woman is considered to be and going ‘what, are you kidding?’, so what’s wrong with me? But on the other side, I have experienced God changing my heart into one of a daughter towards Him. I learned (through observation I think, but it must be through the Holy Spirit) how to react in certain situations, what other people are like and also an introduction to what men are like or supposed to be like. I learned, for example, that every man needs to have the opportunity, no not men, but even boys, should get the oppportunity to lead, make their own decisions and not have mothers and/or sisters telling them what to do or give constant advice. Boys are supposed to be with their father and girls with their mother. I don’t mean that kids should not spend time together and that girls don’t need their fathers attention and that boys don’t need their mothers attention. But, they certainly need to be instructed into their lifes. The bible says that women should be examples to others, especially those younger than them. The passage is in my notebook and I don’t have it here. I like that idea, but I also believe that parents who intend tp do that should have an absolute good understanding of what a woman (in God) is and is supposed to be. Anyways, I am struggling with the idea of the biblical perception of a woman. I am still not comfortable with the idea of submitting to
anyone (but Christ). I don’t feel like I can create that space in my life to ahve someone else taking so much from me. But on the other side, I fully understand that no woman can enter a relationship and be unsubmissive. (Hooray to singleness!) I also understand that I have to give my brothers (in Christ), the men in my family, my colleagues and classmates that space as men, to be men and I know I can, because I am trying to implement that.
But the idea of having to give some portion of my so called independance up, freaks me out. I don’t like modesty!
I have even avoided talking to God about these things, because I don’t want to hear Him tell me that I eventually will adjust to His ideas, because I love Him.
But, at the end of the day, I am glad that I am still single, that I have men in my life that I can learn to respect in their full masculinity. Let me bring up a side line, the same way people think a woman shouldn’t be asked her age, a man shouldn’t be underestimated. Men don’t like saying where they are going, because they can easily change route and when they come back an hour later (or less) than exoected, they wouldn’t like to explain where they where. I am not saying that that is a good thing, but this is something that brings so much misunderstanding in relationships.! It’s inimaginable.
So, as I was saying, at the end of the day, I know that someday I will rest assured and know that I have a quiet heart, be a submissive wife (ieks/yuk) and most importantly, an example to girls younger than me. I trust God for that and know it will come to pass. E. Williams said, according to the bible, that when something seems totally controversial to reality, we know then that it is God, so I expect Him to guide me, not like an impatient girl with a stick in her hands, waiting for a student to make some mistake (ofcourse not!), but as my only hope and designer of my life.

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