Often it is hard for me to accept that my life will look the same for many days, months and years. That I will work at the same place, live in the same place, drive the same route, have the same food, celebrate the same holidays and birthdays for so many days, months and years to come.
Those are times I wonder what to do to overcome this forecasts of boredom.Being a creative soul, I have countless possibilities.But the hardest thing is what is hardest to explain right now; that I am a contrasting person, meaning I can be shallow at times but still have eye for detail. So, I can start with something, but never get through because of my urge for perfection.
Sometimes I am creative and fluent, sometimes I am burned up and staggering.Problem is that I don’t know what causes both these stages. It feels as if I have different dimensions and depending on -I don’t know what- these dimensions will all have their day of my life. Sometimes I have a clear view on the future, who I am, what I want and how to get it one day and the next day I don’t. I am pretty sure this is a human condition. But I have friends who are more determined than I am, and I’m like; why can’t I learn form that?
Actually I do learn, but I don’t apply.
Yesterday I had a ‘fueling’ chat with a friend who encouraged me about certain qualities I had. My sole reaction was a quiet ‘ow’. Things I know I have, but didn’t know or believe I could use and especially not where I am right now. One blog post of mine says that I’ll write a letter, but today I am not sure about that.
I am shifting between opportunities. Those that I have to create for myself and those that I have to grab while their flirting with my nose. Coming back to the lengthy days of boredom; I have something under my skin, an urge, to reach out towards more and better and higher…all so dreamy. Dreamy until I look inside myself, step over my laziness and just do what I have to. I have learned that choosing may be a little to ‘drowsy’ and that ‘taking’ (opportunity/chance) will get results!
So, I will spend the next days, hopefully not weeks and months, just days, taking opportunities and chances to get to that ‘better’.
On one condition:that better must include service to first, my God and second, mt community, whatever part of the community I live in. Be it my readers, be it the church I go to, be it my friends, family, Haitians, people that watch and read the news I make.
We all have the responsibility to serve God and each other with whatever we’ve been entrusted with. Today I know that, though I may be bored out of my mind having to live the same days, weeks, months, years, drive the same routes, celebrate the same holidays and birthdays in and out of time (dramatic me), it’s all worth it.