Lost between Sobs and Smiles

I have been waiting for this moment for a whole week now, to finally write on my blog again. I had so many words going through my head and thoughts and memories and ideas. But now the headphone is over my ears; the music resounds, my fingers touch the board; I hear the ticking sound, I am left staring at the screen and not knowing where to start. 

He was Christlike in almost every way. One difference is that Christ shook up some buildings and scolded hypocrites. Friendly to everyone, patient, loving and always dare when he was called upon. Encouraging at all times. We’ve just had a wonderful youth camp with him and he and us (church youth) were only getting closer and closer and becoming better friends. 

The last time I saw him, we were at the bank. We were sure we’d meet each other again. I was eager to see him again, because I wanted him to be part of a project I was working up. 

But then it happened. He had a stroke. How could Steven, happy Steven, loving Steven have a stroke? He spent three whole days in the hospital without his friends. The people who had access to him didn’t tell anyone that was dear  to him and who loved him he got ill. We tried to visit, got denied and then we heard he died. 

Another friend and I, decided we’d pray and fast for his recovery, but our Father had better plans. His ways are always higher, I rest in that. 

I will miss Steven Khoenkhoen, like every one else who knew him. We all love him and appreciate him so much. But Steven had nothing to loose. He wasn’t married and I don’t know if he ever had a love interest or relationship. He never acted or spoke like he was missing out on anything. Though he always admired eagles and soaring and being a free spirit. Steven was an artist at heart. That’s why he loved our church, because we are Eagle Wings Ministry International and God drew him to us (and us to him). 

His life has inspired me to search with more passion for the purest of God. Not that anything of God is corrupted, but because my won heart gets corrupted from time to time. I will cry sometimes when I remember I won’t see him in church, at youth camp or on the road again. But I’ve been seriously thinking, ‘yeay, if I finish my job well, I can go to heaven fast to My heavenly father, my stillborn siblings and Steven Khoenhoen. Of course there’ll be so many others that I’ll meet there…oh, and King David! Can’t wait to have a dance rally with him and other worshipers. 

Steven has inspired so many people, so I think if he’d have a party or a worship service in heaven..it”d be a great party! I am shaken now, but not primarily by his death. I had a ‘weakness pity party’, so I told myself I can’t face the Father. (Spirit of dumb right there). I am still an entwined person, but since Steven got taken up in glory and I can only remember him, I think I will start a ‘Rose vs. Heaven campaign’ to become uncluttered..meaning Taking Better Responsibility of My own Deeds, Thoughts and Such’. 

Cheers to Steven Khoenkhoen, the wonderful man and woman that got to give him, those precious family members and all those life’s he touched. Most of all, cheers to the great time he’s having in the arms of the Father. 

Tomorrow we’ll all go and say our last goodbyes. But I think I’ll become a grave visitor that doesn’t buy flowers, but just smiles when standing on top of the remains of what we saw his free spirit in. 

I love you brother, sincerely till we meet in heaven. 


(Though I don’t like talking to dead people. But he ain’t dead, he’s alive at my Father in heaven) And the sad poems are gone for now..I had something going like this; ‘Finding myself lost between sobs and smiles’)

I was lost between sobs and smiles…not knowing what to think of his death, but so grateful for the truth of Gods word that those who die in Him, will live in Him. That is so alive to me now. Thank you Father for Steven Khoenkhoen, but mostly for Your son, if it wasn’t for Your son, there’d be no Steven. 


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