The deep sky

And this thing keeps spinning in my head. round and round. like a merry go round.
I can’t explain it. I don’t think I can take it any longer. Whatever it is, I need it to stop.

The rain has reached my underwear. As if I’ve been standing naked in the shower for an hour. My body is shaking. But I’m just walking. There has never been a rain like this before.

The words I think. The feelings I encounter inside this meager skin. My head is pounding. I think it’s having fun, pretending it’s driving around a tiny block and not ready to decide when it’ll go home.

I hear myself laughing. Breathing heavily. Now sighing. my forehead is frowning. What are these words. They are jumping jets above the place all the buzzing comes from. My underlips are inside my mouth. Breathe in breathe out. If I stop, the road will end underneath me.

Almost nothing is working properly. My feet remember the way, that makes it all okay. Should I stop, everything will tumble underneath the earth and this, whatever I am now, will be gone.

I’m trying to get her back, the girl I was. She just decided to walk away someday and never gave me any sign. Until now, there hasn’t been any explanation. Until now? When is now? Where is now.

The day is trying to go away. But I won’t let it. It has to stay! We’ve been trying so hard to make it. What would it give if I was naked right now? I mean, we’re standing in a giant shower. The pipes aren’t leaking. Everything in here works perfectly.

When SheMaya left, I had no idea I was alone, until this buzzing started. I asked her what was going on. No reply. I waited for the yellow pills. I guess she took them along.

Where would I go if I was an imagination? If I was an idea to keep a frightened head alive. And safe. Again, my underlips are inside my mouth and my teeth suck all the water they’ve been holding outside.

I hope the sun doesn’t wake up any time soon. Maybe she’s being held captive by the moon. I used to love the night. Especially her coldness. I loved to fill her loneliness when Maya was by my side. I guess she’s holding me now, because like her, there’s no one to catch me until the sunlight brakes the gloom.

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