Enstilled

I feel like I could fall into you.
It’s as if everything is clear and everything is silent.
I am standing in the hallway, you are standing there, unknowing of this.

The sun is soft and the windows are clean. I look at you, my eyes searching and you just piercing the distance before you. I wonder what you see, but my eyes keep analyzing you. I play with my hair and forget my breakfast. Instead of using my mouth, I consume the coffee through my nose.

Your black shirt and saggy pants have no new story for me. All I can see is all that I want. You. An empty, void sensation. Quieting the dead storm that is alive in me. Then comes the rain, you smile a little, turn your head my way. I half freeze and before I can force out a smile you turn away your gaze, reach for the door and walk into the light.

I pick up my coffee and drink away the stupidity that’s been in the air around me from the first time I set eyes on you. Half frowning I gaze out the window. Ignoring the chair beside me that I hoped you’d be so eager to take.

Next time, I walk down the street. Still trying to figure out who this new woman in my body frame is. I see the cafe, I see you, I see ‘our seat’. With a smile I walk on, take a left and swing into the next breakfast’s.

I feel I could fall into you. You are standing there. But with big gasps, I drink my coffee and stare into the new sun.

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