My days are on charts of the Creator

My days feel like charts on a board of the Creator.
They are never the same in a row.
I believe that I may have a set of three to five different days in a week.
When I say day, I mean the way they feel to me.
I don’t think I have a disease or syndrome, but when I read about people with syndromes, I understand this better.
There are ‘feathery’ days, ‘I’m angry, don’t touch me’ days, ‘everything will work out fine’ days and maybe some more that I haven’t quite figured out yet. I may have ‘feathery’ today, ‘leave me alone’ tomorrow and then maybe something ‘normal’ (what is normal) and the day after ‘normal’ I get ‘all will be fines’. I also have days when I feel so distant from the ‘now’, as if my soul is trying to plunge into the future. On those days, my mind’s eye is in distant places that are both physical and non- physical. Then I feel like I am seeking shelter from I’m not sure what. Shelter and I guess assurance. These days might start out looking like feathery days, but last longer and feel a little bit different. Some ‘distance’ days, I have a lot of art on my mind. In a previous blog post I mentioned museums and travel, I see myself dancing (ballet or something contemporary), painting and feel like writing. Maybe those are the days my soul seeks (taking) flight.
The name ‘feathery’ comes from the way the clouds look on such days. The sun will shine from a blue sky and there will be a few little white clouds. On those days, my outlook to the world is positive and my mindset is ‘I can do this’. But it also feels as if I am in this big bubble and I slightly fear it might break.
‘I’m angry, don’t touch me’ occurs at the moment I wake up. I may or may not be in a stressful situation. On those days I am extra unfriendly, don’t feel like talking to anyone and just feel as if I’m alone on my planet and have to handle stuff myself. Anyone that tries to approach me is a threat.
‘Everything will work out fine’s’ are when I am generally positive. I may be i a stressful situation, but have the power to focus on positive things. I feel quite careless and have extra positivity to brighten up other people’s days. Then I am most likely to smile to strangers and laugh off people and stuff that would normally irritate me.
The thing about these days is that, only people I care a lot about can break through and bring me back to ‘okay, you’re human’. These days generally feel this way up until around noon. By then I will mostly have engaged into work or been ‘neutralized’ by a friend or mostly my sister.
On ‘leave me alone’ I restrain myself from contact on social media, because I am very irritable and have a negative mindset. And believe me, for the Christians out there that might point out that ‘quiet time’ will change this. I have tried and it doesn’t necessarily do so.
I used to worry and wonder whether I was ill. I wanted to grow up and be just one constant way, but I have found out that straight lines can be very boring. I prefer beautiful chaos and colorful disorder.
I don’t trouble myself too much about these occurrences anymore, because I believe I am a person in development. I might remain this way or I might grow out of it. Most importantly, I love myself in every way. Not because I don’t need to become better at being myself, but because that is the foundation of true love.
I understand that the Creator loves me, so why would I leave loving myself to others? Why would you?
‘The self’ is something everyone has to get to know and try to understand for (inner) peace.
I would love to hear or read about other people going through these motions. Are there actually people out there that feel the same everyday?


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