The skin under my feet

I have done away with most spiritual experiences because they didn’t seem to mean much. The real deal was to make the right decisions when an opportunity presents itself. But that idea might start to change. Today I went to church after a while. I was in the hospital for a minor surgery and had to recover. Most of the time I go to church because I kinda have to. But this Sunday I was really driven and determined to go. My heart was almost up in my throat the whole time and I am not sure why. But almost at the end of the service, we were singing the Dutch version of ‘Ten thousand reasons’ and the words got to me more than anything else. By closing time ‘To worship You I live by Israel Houghton and New Breed’ started in my head and that made me tear up. Because I know what I have been called to do. I really felt God starting to minister to me through that song in my head. I got really emotional but hurried to the restroom so I did not have to explain anything to anyone. There is another thing that made me really glad that I cannot mention here. I can but I won’t. There is this really good and sweet and liberating feeling about me. Now that I am writing this I remember that last night I realized that I felt as if someone had ripped the skin off from under my feet. I know that sounds creepy, but it is actually how I was feeling about a certain situation I am going through right now. But now, since I have had this encounter in church, my feet feel firm. I sense a sweet feeling of assurance.  I think this is one of the subtle ways God is telling me He is there. I no longer see the crying as a little senseless act, but I choose to understand that God was ministering to me through His spirit. I choose to not put that away. I also remember that somewhere in the last few months I asked God why He never let me know about the less pleasant things that where going to happen in my life. I sounded close to “well, You can tell me about the great things You are about to do so why didn’t You tell me this”. And then today the guy that was preaching said that God does not plan bad things for us. I understand that He may allow them, but He is not announcing them as part of His plan, because no matter what, His plan(s) will succeed. I remember other moments where questions I asked silently and things I pondered in silence where answered and resolved when people that had no idea I wanted to know things, spoke about them. I hope I take this experience as an example to be done with the doubt I have that God will really provide in a better future for me. In my eyes a better future is one with a few of the aspects I have in mind. But I am ready to understand that God will outdo my expectations. I hope I stay close to His heart and not just the beauty of His plans.
I just really had to write this, because I so easily tend to forget. Another thing that I want to deal with is invisibility. Next chapter.


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