It is ridiculous. How scared I can get. Of beauty. Rejection by beauty. Because somehow it is to good to be true. Somehow I am not enough. And then I can’t breath. It is so funny. That I become scared because I mostly want part and if I can’t it will hurt and who in this world wants to feel pain? 

I sometimes do and sometimes don’t surrender to my heavenly Father who is faithful and completes all works. I laugh. I laugh my fear, stupidity, stupid fear away. How can someone with a renewed, sound spirit feel this way? I play victim because I don’t know where to go. As if I am the one leading my destiny. As if my mask will get me where I need to be.

But thank God. He knows. He knows me. And doesn’t pay heed to my fears. He conquers the hate in me. And makes me bold. Surrounds me, takes the fear to joy and heals my broken feet. I still get scared. But when I look up it all fades away. 

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