I haven’t been enjoying God lately. I dreaded singing in church and avoided in-depth quiet time because, well, so many reasons. Things are changing (again) and I was disappointed in how I dealt with this change. So I didn’t want to face God because I thought, I didn’t deserve to (boohoohoo).
So, a logic consequence of my melodramatic choices is that everything else turns awry. I started avoiding responsibility. You know, when you know what to do but you already assume you’ll mess up, so you don’t even bother trying (coward). That is exactly what my lazy behind was experiencing.
So last Sunday (yesterday), as I sat in church, I decided to let it go. To just give it a try. And God never disappoints. And I learned two things in that little moment that seemed so insignificant, in a place that doesn’t seem significant to man. But can become a major-historical turning point in my spiritual life-zone thing. If I let it.
God isn’t just love. He is loving. The verb, to love, is His being. All He does, His mere existence is loving you (me), and that love is activating. The mere fact that God exists means that everything can go well for you. That everything that seems to be working against you, can be turned into good. That is what I felt in that moment and am coming to believe.
I have set a mental goal for myself to reach certain things and do certain things in my life. Everyone has goals. And one of mine is to live effectively and efficiently impact my community. I have two projects in mind that I am just so scared to start off. But this brings me the other lesson from Sunday.
I love to set a goal to get things done when I get home. But as I get home, I just slouch. Go to sleep, watch t.v. or do other meaningless things. Lesson number two: I can’t afford that any longer. Not only will I not get my life on track, but I will also remain a miserable person and make others around me miserable, only causing more misery because I will try to hold others accountable for my poor choices. I am also trying to learn how to live with disappointment with people that I actually love. Love them or leave them? What does God say. He will be with me either way. The choice is mine.
Life is a beautiful thing. There is so much to do, so much to be, achieve. And the journey is a whole other beautiful story. Be encouraged to not lose hope in yourself when you feel like you messed up. The world needs you. You need you.