I summoned spirits and ghosts
in hopes of finding you
’cause maybe you had lost your heart
in the rages of this crazy world
where nobody really knows
what they’re doing
where they’re going
or who they really are
But not even they
dared set foot
in my den
………..all the walls broken into
all doors jolted open
every inch screaming your name
no corner free
the ceiling unhooked
the floor uprooted
what I had to do
what it took
what is meant to be
always come back
So they say
our names will be called out together
when the last
of the broken hearts are named
What is this story
you told me about loving me
What is this lie
you fed me
About being here for me
What is this confusion
I cannot shake
about you leaving
in the middle of the storm
you single-handedly brew
Stay away from me
I ain’t no good
There is none of that in me
Not for you
Not in your case
I can pass the butter
but don’t let me sprinkle the salt
The only way fire can heal
Is for it to burn
I see you are self preserving
so see this as a public service announcement
directed at and dedicated to you
Inside the dark of this gloomy room
I feel like a foetus in a mother’s womb
Looking ahead to days of the past
And all I endured, becoming who I am
When I loved like there could never be tomorrow
Only to find out that tomorrows, though never promised, always do come.
I hope that when I am born
I can love again, in a way that is solely mine
just so loves I cannot harbor, don’t take their leave with mine.
***Whenever you get attached to something or someone, whatever of whoever, letting go will take time. Remember to heal. Always take time to heal. And forgive. Forgive whatever it is that was latched unto you and you had yourself latched unto, no matter their part in the process. Forgive yourself for allowing yourself to bruise yourself and the other party in such a way. Do heal. It makes everything better.
I was fine until I saw your injustice
Up till then you and I were fine
For as long as I can remember, your every wish was also mine
When my eyes fell open to your hidden lies
I could no longer unsee them
They were as clear as day light
Before a wanderer’s eyes
Now I smile when you hurt me
Moan but softly when you thrust your daggers into my frail skin
When I am no longer here, only
Might your recovery begin.
I really, really hate you. I wish I could avoid you and get rid of you. But I am careful with what I wish for. Because every time you strike, it’s ‘poor me’ again.
You! How I wish you never knew me. Although I know you’re supposed to be good. You are nothing short of a curse.
How I wish I could hate you with a passion. But I can only hope for that much energy. For you make me so sleepy.
At first you give me cravings. Then you make me cranky. And after that you make me sleepy, picky. You also make me suffer. I fall ill at your hands. I can’t help but think that your only interest in me are evil plans. Yoy make me angry. And week. Though sometimes help me become humble and realise I am actually really fragile. That I nees love and care and everything I long to give, that I also deserve a caring hand.
I know you are supposed to bring me good. But I wish you were always good. Sometimes my faith gets shaken as I wonder ‘what more do I need to know and need to do God, can’t You just make it okay.’ So I don’t really talk to Him when you’re around. Because maybe I am doing something wrong.
I only wish that you are worth it. For if you prove you are not . . .I mean, I can’t only be in my twenties and already looking forward to menopause. If you actually aren’t any good, even if you are…would you please consider being kind to me.
I have secrets.
I hold them.
Because you don’t like to hear.
You’ve never been one to listen.
I could write them to you.
If only you liked to read.
I can’t show them to you…
For your closed heart has made you blind