I wasn’t hungry for food

But I kept eating

I wasn’t afraid to loose

But I kept defeating

Choosing battles over sleep

Long dark nights

kept me closer to the churns I tried to flee.

I was afraid to loose you

So I simply pushed you away

Advertisements

I hear you suggest
I sit back
relax my senses
and drop my head back
my drooping shoulders to straighten
and fold my hands on my belly button
You make your entree
pull up a chair beside me
and start singing your favorite song
you haven’t told me to
but I’ve already closed my eyes
Yet I still see them coming
the tears that wash your face
and worry away
you try and not let your voice break
yet the silence has this taunting echo
I stay still
Let you subdue
right before you get up and leave
I open my eyes
and catch a glimpse
of a mirage
Come back tomorrow, will you?
I hear you say, a bit too loudly
I nod, as if you’d see me
Knowing I’d never refuse
you close the door behind you
Last week you told me next week
before that, you said next month
I pull my collars closer
and face the wind
she is running wild and free
Yet I try to resist
what if she grabs hold of the wild in me
and take me away?
How will I know she’ll take me back to you

Ready made

Everything there is to get
I hold it
I grab it all
all while stumbling over my own feet
thinking of the perfect choreography
to perform a perfect dance
for You
so I don’t have to sit down
or stand still
and hear
how lovingly You crafted me
and shaped these busy hands
you made them just about strong enough
How ready you made these feet
and boy, are they ready
You made them just about ready enough
but now and then
they no longer can
I stop in my tracks
and turn to You
laying it all out, neatly before You
And You tell me
how lovingly You crafted me
and how you shaped these hands
these feet ready made

I summoned spirits and ghosts
in hopes of finding you
’cause maybe you had lost your heart
in the rages of this crazy world
where nobody really knows
what they’re doing
where they’re going
or who they really are

But not even they
dared set foot
in my den
after
the ravage
you had
left behind

………..all the walls broken into
all doors jolted open
every inch screaming your name
no corner free
the ceiling unhooked
the floor uprooted

what I had to do
with these
bare hands
what it took
to be
safe again

LOve
what is meant to be
always come back
will be
So they say

At least
our names will be called out together
when the last
of the broken hearts are named

Aside

Reminder for healing

Here,

Inside the dark of this gloomy room

I feel like a foetus in a mother’s womb

Looking ahead to days of the past

And all I endured, becoming who I am

When I loved like there could never be tomorrow

Only to find out that tomorrows, though never promised, always do come.

I hope that when I am born

I can love again, in a way that is solely mine

just so loves I cannot harbor, don’t take their leave with mine.

***Whenever you get attached to something or someone, whatever of whoever, letting go will take time. Remember to heal. Always take time to heal. And forgive. Forgive whatever it is that was latched unto you and you had yourself latched unto, no matter their part in the process. Forgive yourself for allowing yourself to bruise yourself and the other party in such a way. Do heal. It makes everything better.