Somehow

I wish somehow

My dreams would

Project themselves to you

so you could make your own judgement

On what you are to me

For in my vocabulary

There are no such words

As wishes and desires

they’re but borrowed

From people that know

How and have the strength

To express

What it is in this life

They aspire

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I guess I am thinking about you
If the sun doesn’t go down
I’ll be alright
because I’m thinking about you

Guess I’m thinking about you
If the moon doesn’t come out at night
I’ll be allright
because I’m thinking about you

Guess what, I am thinking of you
If the earth decides to leap around her axis
I’m still good
because you are as much here
as you are not

I am as much with you
as I am without

Who I am

Who I am? I don’t always have an answer to that question. All I know is that at times there’s a lot of mumbling in my head. And I can’t figure out who on God’s planet earth is speaking and what is actually being said. 

Some days I thirst and hunger for achievement, as if that is what I need in stead of a breath. And now and then. Though very rarely, do I come across a silence. That surrenders ages and constellations to speak. Not knowing where it cometh from, nor where it descends….I pray for peace with an empty timetable in my hands. 

Nobody knew what I was doing there. I felt like an accident. As if a series of unfortunate events had occured that forced me to be there. It was no secret that I was not welcome. And my understanding of life at that moment, or my lack of it, did not help the matter. I existed. And co-existed. Felt like I was thriving, making my life count for something and going somewhere meaningful. It is crazy how a lie can seem so real. And then the heavens took a deep breath, sighed a deep sigh and decided it was enough. I was made free. But the pain of recovery still echoes through the cracks. Time. Heals all wounds? I am moving on, still. But I am ever so watchfull. Lies start sweet and always seem surreal. Until the heavens decide to sigh and breathe.

While I am standing here, wondering if this is yet anothet crossroad, I realize I can’t make the same choices I made back then. Not only am I not the same. The truth shines and lies seem to glow. Where have I seen this before. And another truth is, I can’t hold hearts that I don’t know. But I do want to hold this heart of yours. I know what is happening, we are falling apart. If only you’d just admit it. Without your signature bias. 

I know, you forget

She smiles, avoiding the stray look in his eyes. ” I know you forget how you used to look at me. From across the room, the other side of the table, and even when you were ever so close. I know you forget. How your eyes used to smother me. And I had to part my lips to take a breathe. I know you forget. You just cannot help yourself. You even forget what you used to say to me, when you held my hand. I know. How the morning dew used to wake me to your voice. It’s not that bad. You even forget how hard it was to keep my sanity when you first walked away from me. I know you do. So I remember. I remember those days, I hear the breaths and relive the feelings until your ghost is gone. And someone else sings me out of bed. I hope that by then you will forget I was never mad.” She smiles, looking straight ahead in his forgetful eyes.