All I want is for people to heal. But is thus true though? Or is it just a fase?

I want them to heal and become their better selves.

Give them love. Show them their light. The one that they’ve stopped paying attention to.

And then I want to be the light. Too much to ask for, right. In at least one soul’s eyes.

To heal and be bright.

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Not without me

You know there are things I want to say to you

Do to you

That I can’t.

I won’t allow myself to (do so).

You should not have to know that I want to

Dig 

With my hands

Deep

Into your past

To clutch that piece of the sky

That fluid feeling about the air

That you have made me glance at today.

You should not have to feel that

My heart wants to pound its way out into your brains

My throat wants to regurgitate the blessings you have once nibbled on but couldn’t get yourself to swallow. 

I. 

Can’t get myself to show

That this.

This is what I know. 

You need me. 

You might.

Do you? 

Through all the things that I am going through. I want to teach you. 

You can live free. Outside the abyss. 

You. You can. 

But I don’t want it for you. Without me. 

Can I 

Some people see people and reply with disgust. 

Some people see people and only that; people. 

Some people see people and reply with pitty. Or hurt. Or fear. 

I see people. And I see their glory. Equally with their pitfalls. Equallu their fear and shame. Even when they have none. I see the fine lines between their skins. 

When I see you. I have to. Catch my breath. While you’re freefalling into the arms of death. I see you roaring alive. Like nothing I’ve ever met. 

Do I get to reach out my hand and scratch. The itch. The one thing you can’t get to by yourself. 

Do I get to reach out and hold. You in my arms. Make this moment the one thing you never forget. 

Can I see you in my eyes and smile. Bring you relief. Deliverance from all the things keeping you from getting ahead. 

We both move on. Within the bat of an eye. And we’re gone. Unlike the itch. Unlike the sorrow. Unlike the doubt. 

Give me a minute

I don’t know how to say this

I don’t know what to do

I know not how to stay away from you

Since you’re the only thing that is on my mind

Though peace is the only thing I search for

If not with you, is the last thing I would wish to find. 

Yes, I am attracted to money. Money that I make myself, that is. You see, with money I get things done. Not only for myself, but for anyone who might need something and has no possible means to get to it on their own. 

Money doesn’t complete me. But money completes my plans. And my plans aren’t solely based ob my own fortune. For a great deal they are focused on those in need that are put away by those in greed. 

Money is half-ass sexy. Because with money I can change my meal plans and buy you designer pants. We might not need that stuff, but some things are nice to have now and then. 

If I learn to make my money work for me, there is really no reason I couldn’t be free to let it do so. So, yes, I like my money and I speak blessings over your stash. 

Desi Bouterse and (who that?) God

So

The Surinamese president is facing a possible 20 year jail sentence for the murder of 15 intellectuals during his military regime in the 1980’s. During his first term as president, the parliament voted a new law and granted him amnesty. Really cool, isn’t it. Now he should be able to reign without any concern and walk away from the consequences of his actions all those years ago. Whether he is the one who shot them or not, he was the leader of the country and no one else can be held more accountable for what went on in that time.

But no. He had to appear in court a few times (he never did). So, shortly after the prosecutor proposed the 20 year sentence this week, Bouterse called a meeting with his associates and followers in which he claimed that God is the one who put him in the presidential seat and that the judge cannot remove him.

In a sense, he is right though. The bible says that a people gets the leaders that reflect it. Bouterse’s name is also linked to drug trafficking. He led a dictatorship in the 1980’s and is also seen as someone who wants to get away with murder and with that injustice. I am not saying that the Surinamese people is one that is unjust and wants to get away with crime. But as a people, what are we exactly? A lot of us are hardworking. But many of us still like the idea of fast money making (not unique to Suriname). What I am saying is that we are not a clean slate people. Many of us want change, but we will be the first to jeopardize our own chance at it. We have elected someone we could recognize as one of us, that was worthy of leading us to change and a brighter future. Do many of us even know what we want? Simple things as maintenance of the things we have built is already an issue. How can we achieve anything great together if that is the case?

Bouterse is a socialist all the way through. The idea(l) of socialism is indeed one that I applaud. But it seems to be a curse. Looking throughout history, the destruction that follows socialist regimes is evident throughout all continents. There is always something that goes wrong and unfortunately I don’t think the world has learned from the past at all.

And now, Bouterse, claiming that the judicial system cannot remove him because God himself made him president. I am not sure what God he is talking about. I understand that as a leader you have to stand strong and not waver too fast. But man, your people is suffering. I also understand that some challenges will remain the same, no matter what government is seated. But president Bouterse seems to believe in his own failures. He seems really disconnected from the people, sadly. Governments are a crazy thing. There will always be room for them and their friends to gain more. More money, more power at the expense of the people, no matter who is seated. Some governments manage to separate the country’s wealth at a more even rate than others. And that is when they are applauded. It is extremely frustrating for people that try to make a living to get to place where all their efforts seem fruitless because the cost of living is getting higher and higher with no real hope of and end to it. Although I don’t believe that we as a people fully understand how to prioritize, but that is a whole different story.

What I don’t understand about the God-statement Bouterse has made is, how can he drag God into this when the efforts he claims to be making, keep failing. I believe that when you walk with God, you will get (very good) direction how to handle your life and the life of those you are responsible for. Where does he leave God in that? Or the president doesn’t fully understand the concept of God. And in that case Desi Bouterse doesn’t understand that God can indeed take him out of the presidential seat.

Being a president is a hard job, especially for someone who is facing criminal sentences. But honesty and transparency can get you through a very good deal of the way. I don’t believe that Suriname as a whole is willing to be honest. Not the government and neither the people. We all get caught up in our emotions and refuse to think straight, all too often. If you ask me, I do not know what will happen or even what is supposed to happen. I do know that as a citizen I can work, prioritize, love (meaning help, sustain where I can) my neighbor. I feel like too many of us depend on the government for a better life. Of course the government is responsible and needs to be held accountable for our development. But some of us are so afraid to step out of our comfort zone, me too and maybe rightfully so.

God is God, no matter who he decides to leave in the presidential seat. God is who I depend on. He will hold the president accountable for his actions in life and me for mine.

Deep down

Deep down inside I want you because there is no other for me

But sometimes I just want you for your goods

Because I know anything you do will benefit me

Because I know having you, gives me everything.

So why not search you. Instead of seeking. 

Why not touch your hand occasionaly. Instead of making your hands marinade your love in my skin.

Deep down I want you for you. But the fleeting life is so much easier than being rooted.