Aside

You tell me
I should let this fear go,
The sole companion I have
To keep me warm at night
While your hands tend
To another

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Standing pale
afraid to exhale

Out of the shadows
of fear
Crawls imperfection

Would you behold
the traces of salt
on my face

and still refuse me
your embrace

Sun dim

So
What if I decide to run and never turn back.
What if I take a run for the woods into the dark unknown to anywhere except any longer here.
Another what, but what would you do. If I decided I no longer can stay here.
That I no longer want any part of the bestest of bests I know you have for me, just because I can’t. I can’t any longer wait for my perfection. Wait for the next urge to want to become better.
A grinning smile and syrup like sweat on my dreading face. If I decide to turn away.
What do you know, what would I want. If I would run. Away. From you.
I would be done, even if I’m wrong. What, would you be looking for me.

I plead you let me go and keep me thinking I’m better off. Keep me thinking I can’t. Can’t never ever become. The strengthened ballerina you have whirling in my head. I’d run like an athlete. Away into my retreat. Away from you and haunted. Would you be waiting at the other end. In disguise, keep your mask on until I am too weak to move on again. Make me realize you are the circle I’ve been running in. That all realms are just circles and cycles and wherever I go I can’t go hiding from your stubborn-love embrace. And if I choose to keep myself going in circles, frightened and scared. How long before you release me into my own demise. And when that’s been, will you take me in? Will my demise be another step into your fiery-loving gaze.
A grinning smile and syrup like sweat on my dreading face, opening my eyes just to realize. You’re the circle I’ve been running in. The sun dim.

It is not like I don’t want you to carry me away or do not want you near.
It is just that I cannot overcome my fear.
As I browse through the pages of my soul, like watermarks I find you in every corner.
Strangely, I can wipe it away with one certain blink. But with my heart, I’d paste it back again.

With the brightest smile I could wave you goodbye, but within this realm I’ll always find you, always hide you, always guide you. Wherever you go, back to my soul. It is not like I don’t know what you know. But it is just that I don’t want to pierce holes in anybody’s soul.

All the facts, fiction and fraction, fears and doubt and the unknown. I’m taking them on until I am fully grown or all of this is gone. We both know the sun won’t shine out of the dungeon and pierce through the comfortable night. I’m going home, I’m coming on, hoping.

I just want to go wherever you go. Sometimes you lead, sometimes I’m strong. Whenever I’m lost you are my only sense of purpose. However far, however low, however deep you are.

I fail, faltering the burning of incense to calm senses. The vivid memory of your fragrance tempts my soul. How much further can we go, my heart aches to know. How deep does desperation last, let me know. Who knew how fearful this brave heart would get.

Here I am, caught with you. Light descends, all time ends.

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Again

Could you lift my feet from where I am standing, for I feel I’m falling.

Would you give me strength to rise from under this burden that makes me lower my beautiful head?

My eyes search in the distance for help, for truth. Failing my altar, leaving the incense unlit.

I fear my heart will give me up. Where have I left you when love found its way out my heart?

My lungs have run dry from crying out. The piercing in my soul has turned me pale.

From where can I run and hide into you.

Though I know that soon I’ll find you here.

Your arms wrapped around me and my heartbeat steady on your chest.

My arms to weak to strike your face. My eyes too damp to meet your fiery gaze. 

Run to me, would You? My knees are to weak to carry me further, I am not strong enough for this battle.

Hide me in You. Again.