remnants

The cold is left in my broken heart,

Knee to chest, breathing hard

I inhale the nemesis of you

dark clouds wage me away from you….

My sobbing reaches the ceiling

Tears that dwell in my chest

reveal how I remember you best

Filing my records to find you

I embrace the cracks left behind

No more can I wait

Mere words can’t debate

If the rock in my chest starts beating again

You’ll be the last thing that will remain.

Levensvragen

Why do we all have sin? Why have we all hidden secrets?
Today I don’t want to fight, I don’t want to have anything to do. I don’t want to have to fix things, figure things out. Not having to say anything to anyone, not having to smile to anyone, not wanting to survive, but just be, accidentally.
I wish the day could stop right were it was, maybe rewind, and never come back.
All the things I ever wanted, all the secrets I ever hid, all the truth I wanted to find out, everything I have ever learned, in one instance none of them mattered.
There is nothing I want to take back, there is nothing I wish could happen. There is nothing I want, maybe I need a wake up call, but I won’t go look for it or try to find it.
I also won’t wish I could bury my head, for realism’s sake.
It’s unbelievable how life can change, go around, come against you when you at least expect it.
When you have held grudges, then let go and call back and let some go and keep holding others. Life is filled with ups and downs, but more than once in a lifetime we may encounter major downs, they don’t necessarily have to be setbacks. We can decide to make them setbacks, but sometimes, I just want no, nothing, nada, nihil, quiet.

Some people say life is a bitch. Life is sure hard, can be hard, but life is also precious and is given by The wonderful Source, so I can’t call it a bitch, I don’t agree. But sometimes it sure is unpleasant.

So, I have learned not to judge. Even if I were without sin, I’m not supposed to cast a stone, I can smile to (my fellow) the sinner, tell ’em it’ll be okay and ask them not to sin anymore, maybe even tell them how I survived one of my scars, but no, not judge.

Even though it is the easiest I could do. But God is greater.

This is another day, it too will end.