I summoned spirits and ghosts
in hopes of finding you
’cause maybe you had lost your heart
in the rages of this crazy world
where nobody really knows
what they’re doing
where they’re going
or who they really are

But not even they
dared set foot
in my den
after
the ravage
you had
left behind

………..all the walls broken into
all doors jolted open
every inch screaming your name
no corner free
the ceiling unhooked
the floor uprooted

what I had to do
with these
bare hands
what it took
to be
safe again

LOve
what is meant to be
always come back
will be
So they say

At least
our names will be called out together
when the last
of the broken hearts are named

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Somehow

I wish somehow

My dreams would

Project themselves to you

so you could make your own judgement

On what you are to me

For in my vocabulary

There are no such words

As wishes and desires

they’re but borrowed

From people that know

How and have the strength

To express

What it is in this life

They aspire

Personal relevance of Christ

Wouldn’t it be wonderful. To get up and leave everything behind. Every frustrating thing, every burden, every annoying person, ever bad habit. To leave all that just isn’t going well and start anew, wouldn’t that be wonderful?

I bet it would. Think about it. All rusty old relationships that don’t always seem worth while. That always seem to need rejuvenating, only to end up at the same place again. Every stupid bill you have to pay that started out with the best intentions, but somehow never seem to go away but instead keep piling up. Any effort made for good. To be good, to act good, to eat well, to live well and yet ends up in frustration. I bet it would feel great to say goodbye to them and become new.

But in the 15-plus years that I have been following (strolling behind?) Christ, I have found that I’d be missing out a lot. On mercy, on love, on grace, on kindness, unconditional love; you name it. I would be missing out on a relationship with Christ. I mean, it’s easy to meet a stranger, get a vibe from them and tell them they need to do so and so to fix this and that. But it is a whole other thing to have someone accept you for who you are. And then when you realize you want to do things differently, be there for you and with you all the way. Someone who never criticizes you, contrary to what people say and believe, when you are unmotivated or make mistakes. A friend who has all the expertise you  need to do things right and still doesn’t throw his grandeur in your face. Someone who is gentle and has so much patience with you that you actually get to grow by just being with them. Now that, is wonderful.

It’s almost like having a child. As a parent you see your child grow up in dependency of you. Running to you for everything. But at a certain point they start to think that they might know better than you. So as much as it hurts, you let them do it their way. But anytime they come to you, you are there to gently redirect them or discipline them. Until they learn that you are there for them and they can actually depend on you and come to you whenever they need anything. As a parent you have to let go at a certain point. But with Christ, hooray!, it is different. Sometimes when I read how people resent God, the idea of God and His word, I find myself speechless and sometimes even hurt. Hurt because I don’t even know where to start to answer their quest or rather their disbelief. I honestly don’t know what to say back. Although I know I don’t like discussions and all that, so I’m glad I can stay quiet. But then I wonder, what if one of them would come up to me personally. That’s when it gets serious for me. That is when I ask myself ‘what do I believe’, why am I in this? And the answer is relationship. That is all God wants and how He made us to want. And that may not be a satisfying answer to every angry and bitter person out there that thinks it is all about bad religions and stupid made up story books. But it sure is enough for me.

God doesn’t sprinkle anything in my eyes to let me see life through rosy colored glasses. He opens my eyes to His mercies, to His nearness and every way He comes through and even changes my mind about the hurtful parts of life. That’s when I get to regain my breathing and go on, feeling safe and secure again. God doesn’t inject anything in my body to heal me when I am ill. He either changes the chemistry of whatever was wrong and makes me whole again or He lets me know that I need to rest or change my diet so my body can do what it is supposed to do. God doesn’t magically take my pain away when I’m emotionally hurt. He has from time to time miraculously healed me from them. But the one thing that always seems to work for me is how He whispers the truth of His bold love into my heart to make me strong again. And I even manage to pour out that same love over people that may have been involved in the process of being hurt. And the next time I go through something frustrating and painful, I remember He is near and I will get through safely. This is what my God is about. And I am so grateful.

And you know what, I may get scared or hurt from time to time and feel like He is not near. But He has brought me thus far, I know He is undoubtedly good. There was a team of men that trusted Him so hard that they actually went through the fire. They even said He might let them burn in there and still went. That takes courage. I might get there someday. 🙂

John 13 v 15

 

I guess I am thinking about you
If the sun doesn’t go down
I’ll be alright
because I’m thinking about you

Guess I’m thinking about you
If the moon doesn’t come out at night
I’ll be allright
because I’m thinking about you

Guess what, I am thinking of you
If the earth decides to leap around her axis
I’m still good
because you are as much here
as you are not

I am as much with you
as I am without