Het bed; een heiligdom

Het bed;

Een heiligdom

Kussens

Als spijlen van hoop

Dekens om je beschermend toe te dekken

En het beddenlaken om warmte te houden

Met of zonder armen, borsten of een buik om je toe te rusten

Het bed;

Een heiligdom

Waar monsters je niet kunnen vinden

En wolfengeblaat je niet kunnen deren

Soms

heiligdom geschonden

Monster ingetreden

Wolven verraderlijk mekkerend je tot in je diepste tergen

Toch

Het bed; een heiligdom

Waar jouw armen je terug kunnen vinden

Je tranen de slaap kunnen herwinnen

Een heiligdom met toegang tot de bodem van je ziel

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Sweet delusions

I don’t want to see you everywhere I go

I don’t want to find you everywhere I turn

Not feel your soft breath any place I rest

and certainly not land in your arms on your chest

 

Soms wordt het even moeilijk

dan kun je niet gewoon even slikken en verder gaan

Dan moet je even terug naar de basis

alles dat het is, waar jij op staat

Dan weet je hoever jouw wortels gaan

Soms wordt het even moeilijk

Dan kun je niet gewoon een traantje pikken en jouw emoties laten staan

Je kruipt dan terug in jouw bloedvaten

en omhult je met je beddenlaken

totdat je niets anders meer kan

dan omhoog verschijnen

In other words: sometimes you need to hit rock bottom to get back up

Moment in time

remember where we are?

if i’d lose my way to you

or you your way to mine

remember where we are

come find me back in time

i’ll forever be right here

never stepping out of line

remember where we are

i know you won’t

but i’ll be here

just in case

the wind takes you back

into your greatest moment in time

 

You make me featherlight

when you take my hands and lead me away

you make me featherlight

shining into my eyes with your incandescent eyes

I can breath again, I can fly

nowhere like my home

within the radius of your loving eyes

I love this; always landing back at you

pulling me up, out of this world’s strain

I’d freely hand you the keys to my soul

and clip my feathers off for you

I can breath again, I can fly

and I swear

you make me featherlight

Another desire reveals itself

There is this feeling today

There is this thing that I want today.

And it seems so big and scary and too far fetched

But there is this sense of determination.

besides that one voice.

Sounding like a big bad wolf.

Questioning and reminding me of my knack for failure.

“Why do I think I will actually be able to pull this off?” “Why do  I think this will actually work for me?”

It is a voice that I’ve been hearing for so long and been believing too much.

Great philosophers and life coaches know the power of Pause.

I haven’t had one for so long.

I’ve only taken myself to the underlying state of existing

Jordan Peele’s Sunken Place maybe

Where the real world where I belong has become so distant and one world too far

It is where I haven’t given myself room to breathe, always looking over my shoulder, seeking to outdo the uneducated, undisciplined and utterly unloveable girl I was yesterday.

Sometime, somewhere, one of these days she will get her break.

But I don’t think that is today.

There is this thing that I want today, since yesterday

I just can’t seem to push the idea away.

While I am not remotely done shutting the big bad wolf up

Somebody who is greater than me

Someone that seems to know I can,  he introduces me to this new thing

And the lonely wolf, who knows damn well I can do this

who has seen countless times that I have

starts telling his old tale again

Although he is really loud

I am positive hope-filled silence will drown him out

 

 

 

until the next breath

It’s here

in my head

and I’m afraid I can’t shake it

I’m tired of having to have to

Why can’t I just let it happen

take over and be whatever it wants to

go wherever it feels it should

who even cares

hasn’t it always been this way

hasn’t this always been my voice, my life’s narrative

That I can’t

That I’m tired

That of a victim

And anything else

Is just one short inhalation

to land back at where we started

when two people decided I had to be here

and I by divine power chose the time when

I’ve heard numerous voices explain to me

But I’m still the one who has to make me understand

So once again

as tired as I am

I allow myself no other choice,

get up and shake it off

take a breath and smile

awaiting the next fight