And I enjoyed the darkness
You delivered me into
The cold, damp unknown
I felt united with
The chance to trip over obscure objects
And giggle into the lonely night
The risk to face demons,
Face to face
And either grin and scare them
With my ‘booh’
Or get scared and run as far as my breath could take me
You made me
I would have never become this fast
And so strong
If you hadn’t exposed me
To the depth of my potential
Restraining myself from hoping
doesn’t make the wait easier
How I get flashbacks of perusing you
and my dreams of you, I constantly relive
I never knew I’d grow so weak
I never knew I could be this desperate
for you
I try telling myself this is for the better,
that a good attitude while waiting
will make your arrival worthwhile
but my heart is not convinced
I constantly keep thinking of you
and then I ache
not knowing what to do
not knowing where to turn
The worst thing is
you ain’t even that big of a deal
because once you’re here
you could be gone very fast again
you could not be able to function for a while
and make me spend a lot of money and time
But my handicap is
that I’ve fallen in love with you
and can’t wait to have you
To be able to use,
look at and admire you
And this thing keeps spinning in my head. round and round. like a merry go round.
I can’t explain it. I don’t think I can take it any longer. Whatever it is, I need it to stop.
The rain has reached my underwear. As if I’ve been standing naked in the shower for an hour. My body is shaking. But I’m just walking. There has never been a rain like this before.
The words I think. The feelings I encounter inside this meager skin. My head is pounding. I think it’s having fun, pretending it’s driving around a tiny block and not ready to decide when it’ll go home.
I hear myself laughing. Breathing heavily. Now sighing. my forehead is frowning. What are these words. They are jumping jets above the place all the buzzing comes from. My underlips are inside my mouth. Breathe in breathe out. If I stop, the road will end underneath me.
Almost nothing is working properly. My feet remember the way, that makes it all okay. Should I stop, everything will tumble underneath the earth and this, whatever I am now, will be gone.
I’m trying to get her back, the girl I was. She just decided to walk away someday and never gave me any sign. Until now, there hasn’t been any explanation. Until now? When is now? Where is now.
The day is trying to go away. But I won’t let it. It has to stay! We’ve been trying so hard to make it. What would it give if I was naked right now? I mean, we’re standing in a giant shower. The pipes aren’t leaking. Everything in here works perfectly.
When SheMaya left, I had no idea I was alone, until this buzzing started. I asked her what was going on. No reply. I waited for the yellow pills. I guess she took them along.
Where would I go if I was an imagination? If I was an idea to keep a frightened head alive. And safe. Again, my underlips are inside my mouth and my teeth suck all the water they’ve been holding outside.
I hope the sun doesn’t wake up any time soon. Maybe she’s being held captive by the moon. I used to love the night. Especially her coldness. I loved to fill her loneliness when Maya was by my side. I guess she’s holding me now, because like her, there’s no one to catch me until the sunlight brakes the gloom.
Cold spirit whispering softly to me ‘Listen to me carefully’
Cold spirit whispering softly to me ‘Leave this place come with me’
‘Cold spirit, I’ve got nothing to do with you’
‘Cold spirit I don’t got to be with you’
Cold spirit says a bit louder: ‘It’s not anything weird, it’s your broken self’
Cold spirit says a bit louder: ‘I just thought you needed help’
‘Cold spirit, I got all the help I need’
‘Cold spirit, there’s only One Voice I heed’
Cold spirit whispers: ‘Good, I’m leaving’
Cold spirit whispers in my ear ‘see you in the darkness dear’
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