Who I am? I don’t always have an answer to that question. All I know is that at times there’s a lot of mumbling in my head. And I can’t figure out who on God’s planet earth is speaking and what is actually being said.
Some days I thirst and hunger for achievement, as if that is what I need in stead of a breath. And now and then. Though very rarely, do I come across a silence. That surrenders ages and constellations to speak. Not knowing where it cometh from, nor where it descends….I pray for peace with an empty timetable in my hands.
I know you need me in the silence
No wonder my soul puts on
an aggressive longing under my skin
To draw all cries from my soul
to hear you from deeper within
I just want it to shut up in my head. There are voices telling me about what’s wrong and what’s going on, singing songs and dancing, crying and mourning at the same time. They blame me for having what’s supposed to be mine.
They suppress the quiet I at all times try to seek, they belittle my silence and forbid my whisperers to speak. They, like a whirlwind, spin around time and try to bring back the voices yesterday and last year have had in my head.
They annoy me.
Fall all over me.
Disgust me and get in my head. They speak. In my head. They bleed, getting unto me.
And I never ever get to the voice of peace, I loose sense of what I seek. My whispers get lost inside the chaos of me.
But I just want some peace.
I wanted you to build a wall,
with your arms, around me
I longed for you to fall,
in love, at my feet
I prayed to God
for strength to live
if I had ever lost you
But the tears where to thick,
my blood was too thin
I couldn’t keep you
you wouldn’t adjust to me
Now we’re just friendly strangers
talking to each other in silence,
crying with smiles