I summoned spirits and ghosts
in hopes of finding you
’cause maybe you had lost your heart
in the rages of this crazy world
where nobody really knows
what they’re doing
where they’re going
or who they really are
But not even they
dared set foot
in my den
………..all the walls broken into
all doors jolted open
every inch screaming your name
no corner free
the ceiling unhooked
the floor uprooted
what I had to do
what it took
what is meant to be
always come back
So they say
our names will be called out together
when the last
of the broken hearts are named
I know something about you
Somehow I take it for truth
I don’t consider myself
Or delusional type
I know this about you
And you will know it too
I can feel You on my heart
You holding my breath and swelling my tears
And I am still
You draw my smile, pat my shoulders and rest Your lips on my head
I hold on
As you hold my breath and swell my tears.
Oh, how beautiful and pure and true You are
My skin trembling, for I know it’s You
And Your promise of a lifetime,
to remain, never restrain
Straight through my unfaithfulness, You appear addicted
Straight through my failures, You appear the Hero
I know it’s You and I am still
in the moment, knowing somehow I’ll end up walking away
end up not ‘feeling’ You anymore,
Though You’re promise remains to never restrain
You’ll appear my Hero
I rest assured, braced, in a pirouette.
I brought myself to you, dragging my feet like one with a limp.
Walking away from everything upon my back, lifting my hands in praise.
Twisting and twirling smiles to what I thought wouldn’t be you.
My heart did sink to my feet when you did strike your first blow, leaving me ’empty-chested’
Love me you did, otherwise you wouldn’t have set me free
But the cracks, the wounds and bruises remain.
As I fold my arms around my legs and refuse to let me go
I hold on to you, all I ever hoped you would be, everything I ever wanted you to do, anything good you never said.
I hold on to you, letting go of myself, my worth, my truth.
Shattering inside while gaining an ever glowing smile.
Often times I wish ‘things’ are easier, life isn’t so hard, I didn’t have to work so hard, I didn’t desire certain things and wasn’t ever so afraid to just be.
But then I am so grateful that good things never happen without hard work. I am grateful that I can only do things well, if I am fully aware of what I am doing.
If it where otherwise, I would have had a broken heart, no future, broken relationships, no real friends, I wouldn’t know truth, I wouldn’t know love. But I do. Well, I am not perfect and that is not my purpose in life. But I am more than happy to be a believer and follower of Christ to come to realization of all this.
Sometimes I know I don’t want, neither need something, but only the idea of (possibly) having it stirs (no, not drives, but stirs) me crazy.
Another thing that I am grateful for is having a healthy set of brains. That makes it possible for me to withdraw from stupidity right on time, though I do a lot of stupid things, I can still flee stupidity a lot.
I have to admit that I have a lot to learn, but therefore I am grateful that the Spirit of God is not like me :).
So I will learn and grow and makes mistakes and become better, but I will not push myself to perfection, for that is an illusion. A foolish one.
I am made righteous in Christ.
Maya Angelou’s mother told her all she had to do was remain black, well, the only thing I have to do is remain in Christ, and I don’t have to rely on myself (own strength) for that.
Only the Spirit knows the heart of the Father and he will make Him known to us