spirit between the pages

This book that I am reading right now, has called me to do so. I was reading another book, when suddenly I started remembering the feeling and the visulisations I had while reading this particular book.
I guess it’s because it is about a travel, something I want so bad. A travel, a set-up, time alone, writing, reminiscing, analyzing. All of which I am so full of.
The writer is alone, in a home where she spent summers from her youth, writing, doing things she likes. Maybe it is a he, I am not so sure. Right now I am at a church band rehearsal. My sister is one of the singers. I used to do this from when I was 14 or 15 till I was about 19. But school and lies got in the way. Lies, what lies? Some people tried hard to pretend their life was going well, when it really didn’t. They where in charge of the band I was in, they had to step down when things turned bad, so everything got busted. So, now I am an onlooker. Sometimes I miss it and sometimes I don’t. But I don’t like being a winer. It is wonderful to see my sister developping, unfolding into this wonderful person she is. My period as a singer was a test, I believe. Right now I’m just tired of my overachievnes, I don’t know the exact word for it, but I am unhappy, there I said it, but I also know that I’m the one to move my butt to get happyness. Bye-bye winer.
I know what I want, but I don’t believe I can have it. I’m scared to lose what I have and what I know, eventhough I keep screwing it all up. So, am I inferior? I refuse to believe and accept that.
Why am I blogging all this? Because it’s what I am feeling, because I have to get out of it and I can do that, by writing it all down, mainly. Because writing it down will make me ask questions and answering the questions will make me find out what’s going on and more question will make me find out what to do about the situation. Certainly not keeping quiet. But right now I don’t have an outcome for this, oh yeah, prayer! Aha, that’s it. So now I’ll stop this blog post.
My sister is still singing, I hope my brother picks me up before she’s done, cause I hear my bed calling me. Oh and speaking of calling, I will try to find out why that book has been calling me. It’s almost depressing, because reading it will make me enter a world of dreams where I’ll so want to, but can’t stay.

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